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Should I Make Changes For My Ex?

When your relationship is in trouble, or if you've already separated, you start searching for ways to fix the problem. Is it you? Should you make changes to please your ex if it means it will keep the relationship together.

Some changes are easy and can enhance their perception of you while other drastic lifestyle changes can actually backfire and make you miserable.

What Can Go Right

The benefits of making changes for your ex involve changing their perception of you and re-igniting their interest. Making superficial changes to your appearance, like the way you dress or style your hair to suit your ex can visually show them what they're missing.

After a bad breakup, you tend to focus on all the negatives. You remember all the fights and flaws, but lose focus on what brought you together in the first place.

You kind of become trapped in a negative association with your ex and a failed relationship. Making changes can alter their perception and force them to take a new look at you.

If done right, it will accentuate all the qualities that attracted your ex when you first met.

Making lifestyle changes that aren't related to your appearance become more complicated. Sometimes it's your job, friends, or how you spend your time that your ex wants you to change.

There is never an easy answer, but keep in mind that what we do and how we spend our time defines the person we become. If your ex wants you to make changes to your lifestyle because those changes will make you a better person it's something you should consider.

If, however, your ex wants you to make lifestyle changes for selfish reasons simply because they "don't like it" you may learn those changes aren't going to be enough to satisfy them.

What Can Go Wrong

Perception plays a powerful role in relationships, especially after a breakup or during rough times. You should consider how changes will be viewed by your ex.

Will they be pleased by the changes or will you be viewed as making drastic alterations out of desperation?

You only have one opportunity to show your ex the changes you've made, and for that important impression to made. If they see all that you've done and view the changes as an act of desperation it will be very difficult to change.

While making your ex happy may be your primary goal right now, you should also keep in mind that making changes for yourself will lead to a more permanent state of happiness.

If you change your appearance, your lifestyle, job or friends but you're miserable will your ex be happy with your changes? Most likely, the answer will be no.

They won't want to be with someone who is constantly depressed because they aren't happy with their life.

Changes you make, no matter how big or small, should also make you happy. Your ex also appreciating those changes should be a secondary benefit, and not the primary objective.

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See Also:

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Why did my boyfriend break up with me?

My ex doesn't return my text messages

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