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How To Stop A Divorce

When the papers are filed, you're going to feel desperate for answers on how to stop a divorce. What can you do if your spouse has already filed for divorce and has said the relationship is over?

There isn't a one sentence solution to save your marriage. It's not going to be that easy. But attempting to reconcile a troubled marriage versus trying to save a relationship between an unmarried couple has it's advantages.

Deeper Long Term Bond

This isn't a six week romance that you're trying to keep together. This was a long term life long commitment that both of you wanted. It means your spouse saw you together for decades, not weeks or months.

It's that long term desire and deeper bond that gives you an easier "in" when trying to attempt a reconciliation.

Legal Ties

Unlike an unmarried couple when you decide to separate you are legally obligated to communicate. Whether it's just about property, the terms of the divorce or children you are not afforded the luxury of ignoring each other.

For unmarried couples it can be a tremendous obstacle to just get into a conversation about anything constructive. Married couples have a lot to discuss which gives you more opportunities to move forward with a reconciliation.

Nobody Wants To Admit Failure

There's going to be fault, likely by both parties but regardless of the reasons for the divorce it's against human nature to want to admit failure. You could be 100% at fault, but you will share the burden of a failed marriage.

Being divorced doesn't imply fault without explanation. It means your marriage failed, and when your spouse is thinking through the scenarios of explaining the divorce to family and close friends it becomes a matter of pride.

They don't want to fail. More importantly they don't want to be face to face with loved ones and admit their failure. It's just the way we are and the way we view the world.

It's that desire, that pride that affords you multiple opportunities to help your marriage succeed.

If You Have Children Together

When both parties want to get a divorce, arguing over children can be vicious. It's not uncommon to use the children as leverage or simply as a means to hurt your ex.

If you've fallen into this cycle, stop. Nothing will undermine your reconciliation faster than exploiting the love of your children. Try to be as rational and fair as possible even if it means you don't get exactly what you want or feel you deserve.

With that said, having children together is one of the strongest bonds imaginable. And because you both love your children you'll go to great lengths to avoid their share of the pain when going through a divorce.

It isn't necessary to shove the issue in your ex's face. "Let's stay together for the children". They know. Trust me, they know. They've run through the scenarios at great length.

The crying, the missed family gatherings of a fractured family. They don't want that to happen which is what holds a lot of struggling marriages together.

It is also a big reason why many call off a divorce to work on their relationship.

Coping with the end or a relationship

What Can You Do?

The first step is to stop being confrontational. Get past the arguing, and the disagreeing. Of course there are arguments and problems. You wouldn't be filing for a divorce if everything was perfect or even acceptable.

But it's time to move forward.

You don't have to admit guilt, and in some cases if you aren't sincere it can make the problem worse. There is a sample letter included with the magic of making up that you can tailor to you situation to help alleviate tension or anger.

Writing letters is not as popular as it once was, but remains an effective way to convey how important and life altering this moment is to you.

Sending a text message or email, in contrast, seems very cold and impersonal.

Next: (Video) First Step To Rebuilding Trust

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